I fear my depression is returning. When I awaken, my eyes feel glazed, my heart beats slowly, and all I wish is to close my eyes until the next morning sun. Maybe then I will open my eyes to a brighter day. Walking to the fridge to fill my empty glass with water is a…
Today I went on Instagram Live via @canna_chill! I was chillin’ on my porch and had an idea I’ve had many times before which was to get on live, smoke it up and talk about meditation and breathwork – connect. However, this day, I put my idea into action and set up my bedroom for a quick smoke sesh, chat + guided meditation. What I expected to only be a 10 minute live ended up being over 20 minutes due to engagement with the audience! After the 10 breath guided meditation and an additional hit, I felt sky high.
However, about, maybe an hour or so later, perhaps even sooner, I began to feel down. The high of connecting with other beings and successfully working towards a future goal had dissipated and I was left with a numbness, just staring at the far north wall in my bedroom. What I had accomplished no longer felt like anything at all. And it fucking sucked.
The day continued into the evening and the numbness remained. Around 9 p.m. I took a shower and rediscovered Rainbow Kitten Surprise and my happiness was restored. Now when I ponder of the events of today, I feel happ(ier).
But that’s emotions, man. We’re always ebbing and flowing, going through the ups and downs, and it will never end. It’s equilibrium. It’s everything.
If you didn’t catch the IG Live, no worries at allll. You can find it here. I plan to do it much more often because in the midst of the live, in the present moment, I was happier than I had been in a while.
Thank you to everyone who joined!
